Fortune And Glory, Kid

January 6, 2010

No Russian? No Thanks.

Filed under: Media, Rant, Uncategorized, videogames — Tags: , , , , , — feenwager @ 11:55 am

If you read my Most Asbestos Awards yesterday, you may have noticed one glaring omission from the list of games I played in 2009: Modern Warfare 2. No great conspiracy here, I simply hadn’t gotten around to playing it yet, so I couldn’t comment on it. I fired it up last night, and today I finally got to play the mission “No Russian”, which has apparently caused some controversy (although not as much as hoped, more on this in a moment) since the game’s release. While I’m sure folks more qualified than I have already weighed in on this subject, I felt compelled to have my say as well.

Spoiler Warning: If you haven’t played the game, and you don’t want to know what happens, stop reading now. There is no way to discuss this without just putting it all on the table.

Ok, here’s the deal for the folks who haven’t (or won’t) play it: In Modern Warfare 2′s fiction, you play an American Private 1st Class who has inexplicably been selected to go deep undercover to befriend a Russian warlord named Makarov who is apparently a Very Bad Man™. Your mission briefing says to “Follow Makarov’s Lead” and then the mission starts with elevator doors opening, and you find yourself with two other men and Makarov in an airport. Makarov turns to you and says, “Remember, no Russian” and then the four of you open fire on anyone and everyone in the terminal. As the player, you don’t actually have to shoot anyone, but you’re not allowed to do anything to stop it, and your only options are to join in the shooting, or simply walk through the level in first person and watch Makarov and his men kill what must be hundreds of innocent people, seemingly enjoying themselves. The mission then takes you outside where your group shoots its way out of the airport, killing scores of police and soldiers (where eventually you have to start shooting or the mission never seems to advance) before Makarov finally turns on you and kills your character, who he apparently was on to the whole time.

Obviously something about this mission (and the game itself) bugged me, since I’m taking the time to sit down and write about it…so what was it? I don’t find myself outraged, or disgusted, or any of the other buzzwords I would use if I were a guest on Fox News discussing Modern Warfare 2, but I was definitely bothered by it, and even borderline offended.

A brief side note about me using the word offended. If you know me at all, you should know it is nearly impossible to offend me in the traditional manner. Salty language, boobies on tv, using “black people like fried chicken” jokes to sell your product…none of this bothers me. I can understand why some people get upset over certain things, but as a rule it’s easier to just take it for what it is and move on.

So what exactly about No Russian did I find offensive? Three things, really. It’s manipulative, lazy, and irresponsible. I’d like to take each of these point by point to show you what I’m talking about.

It’s Manipulative

I don’t like being treated like I’m stupid. It makes me absolutely nuts, like calling Marty McFly “chicken”. When a story deliberately manipulates me to try to make me feel something, I take it as being treated like an idiot, and I’m immediately offended. There were a million more creative, effective ways Makarov could have been introduced into the story as a Very Bad Man™. They actually could have even used the same airport scenario, but simply framed it as a cut scene, used a news broadcast, or even military briefing to set the stage and explain why he’s the villain of the piece and the player should really want to end him. Making me participate in the slaughter (even if I didn’t fire a shot, which I didn’t) is simply trying too hard to be “edgy” and to make me feel something as a player, as well as being a blatant grab for headlines and controversy.

It’s Lazy

From a storytelling perspective, the entire scene makes no sense. I’m playing a Private that five minutes earlier was just showing Afghani militiamen which end of a rifle to hold, and now I’m being sent deep undercover on a mission to…do what exactly? It’s not really explained. Makarov is really, really evil and he must be stopped. So you’re going to be his best friend and get close to him so we can…what? Kill him? Ok. I’m standing next to the son of a bitch with a gun in my hand as he’s about to murder hundreds of innocent people. Howsabout if I put a bullet in his brain right then and there? If I’m not there to do that, why the crap have they sent me undercover in the first place? The entire scene is there simply so Makarov can kill your character (whom you’ve had all of 10 minutes to become invested in, so no big deal there), and prove that he’s not only a Very Bad Man™, but he’s also currently one step ahead of the good guys. Obviously, if you killed him before the airport sequence, the game would be very short…but that’s not my problem, is it? If Woody had gone straight to the police, blah blah…write a better story, guys.

It’s Irresponsible

I must be getting old, but I’m finding that “gritty realism” (which I’ve sort of poked holes in via the paragraph above) in my entertainment is getting less and less interesting to me. The world is a harsh place, and it seems to get harsher every day, at least if you want to believe the nightly news (which I don’t, but that’s a whole other story). Give me Night At The Museum over Green Zone any day of the week, and definitely give me Assassin’s Creed (which has plenty of killing, but it’s all set against a backdrop that is stylized and much brighter in tone) over Modern Warfare.

Setting a level of a videogame in an airport and asking a player to kill innocent civilians during a time when very real assholes are attempting to do the same thing on a regular basis is extremely irresponsible to me. I’m a huge proponent of free speech, and Infinity Ward has every right to make whatever kind of game they want, and to tell (however poorly) whatever kind of story they want. I just assumed that maybe if they’re smart enough to design a game that is technically pretty amazing, and is actually relatively fun to play as a shooting gallery, perhaps they would simply know better.

Here’s the deal: Modern Warfare 2 was going to sell millions of copies regardless. No Russian is the kind of transparent cry for attention that I would expect a lesser developer (or Rockstar) to try in order to get people to notice their marginal game. It doesn’t need to be there, it doesn’t add anything to the experience (hell, you’re given an option before you start the game to skip the mission entirely), and in the end I don’t think it even really generated that much controversy. I feel like Mass Effect got more media play for its silly sex scene than Modern Warfare got for an airport massacre, which I guess paints a picture of what is completely wrong with our values and our media, but that’s a rant for a different day.

February 17, 2009

Media Monsters – Part 2

Filed under: Media, Rant, Sports — Tags: , , , , , , — feenwager @ 7:46 pm

Like many other people, I watched the Alex Rodriguez press conference today. I know I railed against all of the coverage, and I said I simply turn it off, but this was a little different, because as a Yankee fan, I wanted to see how this is going to affect my team as Spring Training gets going.

At least that’s how I justified it to myself. So how did the press conference go, overall?

Was the deck stacked in Alex’s (and the Yankees) favor, with follow-up questions not being permitted?

Yep.

Was Alex’s statement dry and pretty much boiler-plate?

Yep.

Could you or I have pretty much guessed exactly what he would say before he even went up there?

“Mystery cousin” not withstanding, yep again.

So, essentially, we got exactly what we were expecting. So why did I immediately hear and read various members of the media (Mike Francesa for one) screaming and hollering that he didn’t “give us enough.”

Hold on a moment there, Mikey. What exactly did you want him to give us?

“Ladies and Gentlemen, thanks for coming down to my public crucifixion, er…hanging, umm…press conference today. I’m here to tell you…actually wait…LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING BROTHER… I did steroids. Every day. All day. I did steroids with a fox. I even did them in a box. In fact, I’m sucking on a steroid lozenge as I sit here right now. HGH? I did that too. I sprinkle it on my Cheerios every day. I snort it off of strippers’ asses every time I visit Toronto. I have provided Performance Enhancing Drugs to every teammate I’ve ever had, I even give them to the ballgirls. I LOVES ME SOME MOTHERFUCKIN’ STEROIDS…YEAHHHH!!!!”

“Mr. Rodriguez will now take some questions. Or if the assembled media prefers, you may pick up your provided slings and arrows now.”

What if A-Rod’s story was boring because it was true? He was a stupid kid/adult that did a stupid thing, and he got results (the stats from 2001-2003 don’t lie), so he kept doing it. Then one day he was afraid he’d get caught, so he stopped. Makes sense to me.

Well, in today’s media environment, that simply won’t do. We need some sizzle with our steak. In fact, we’d like extra sizzle please, hold the steak. The media shark only knows one speed: frenzy. Chew it up, spit it out, lather, rinse, and repeat for the next news “cycle”.

Do you remember Hurricane Ivan? Do you remember those poor bastard reporters that had to stand in the wind and rain in New Orleans waiting for the Devastation (capital “D”) that never came? Could they have been any more disappointed? That’s kind of my point; it’s gotten to where the major media outlets want things to be as terrible as they possibly can be so that they have something interesting to frenzy over, before moving onto the next shiny object.

When is enough enough? Or is it too late? When does the media as we currently know it simply collapse under the weight of all of this nonsense? Where do you go for coverage of real stories, real news? You know, things that are actually interesting?

Of course, you could always just come down here and chum some of this shit…

February 7, 2009

Media Monsters

Filed under: Media, Rant, Sports — Tags: , , , , , , , , — feenwager @ 9:19 pm

By now, unless you live on Mars, you’ve read Sports Illustrated’s exclusive about Alex Rodriguez allegedly testing positive for steroids in 2003, when he was a member of the Texas Rangers.

Ok. Let’s see if I can best express how I feel about this latest steroids “scandal” that’s “rocking the sports world.”

I. Don’t. Give. A. Shit.

Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m a pretty serious sports fan. Well, real sports at least (sorry, basketball and soccer). I also consider myself an educated sports fan. I know the ins and outs of the teams, players, and games that I follow. While I’m not a statistics nerd by any means, I like to think that I can hold my own in most any sports debate without resorting to “they suck” as my thesis. Hell, I sat next to a rabid Red Sox fan (and complete stranger) at a game in Yankee Stadium for 4 hours and managed to have a civil discussion the entire time, even though we agreed on absolutely nothing.

That is what interests me about sports. The drama, the emotion, the highs and the lows of rooting on your favorite team. Passing things down from Grandfather to Father to Son, and sharing family moments (one side of my family are Giants fans and the other are Eagles fans, so you can imagine how that goes). What I don’t care about is the personal lives of the players, and whatever it is that they may or may not be injecting into their asses.

For the most part, professional sports are played by grown men (and Curt Schilling) who are paid handsomely for their services. They have access to the best training, nutrition, and information about physical fitness that money can buy. It is their job to remain in peak condition. If they are stupid enough to take risks that endanger their health and potentially shorten their careers because they believe they need an edge, that is on them. If they are willing to break the rules of the sport or the law of the land, that is also on them. The major sports leagues have testing procedures and punishment policies in place to identify and discipline players that are caught.

This should be the end of the story.

Unfortunately, sports “journalists” won’t let it be that way. The real question is why? You would think that your average reporter is smart enough to understand the damage they do with the constant stories about doping, and drugs, and all of the other nonsense that they can’t seem to get enough of. I firmly believe that the average sports fan could care less. They want stories about their teams, who is playing well, who isn’t; which coach needs to be replaced, and does their team have a chance this year.

I’ll bet you that these “journalists” would counter with, “people are reading these stories in record numbers and tuning in to Sportscenter to watch on a consistent basis.” Of course they are when that’s all you report. Suppose I didn’t want to read/see A-Rod steroids stories today? Tough shit, this is what we’re serving. Doesn’t matter what you actually wanted, all you’re getting is cheeburger cheeburger cheeburger.

You know what my answer to all of this “wall to wall coverage” is? I turn it off. Is that what makes newspaper editors and television producers smile? Avid sports fans like me actively avoiding your programming? I would think that’s sort of the opposite of what you’re trying to accomplish.

So when will dipshits like Selena Roberts be happy? When they’ve destroyed the very games they make their livings covering? When they’ve completely disgusted every single person until they can’t be bothered with sports any longer? Enjoy covering the feline fashion show for the evening news. Are they trying to prove that they’re “hard-hitting journalists” with these stories? Get over yourself. If you want to be a journalist, go cover politics. There’s enough corruption there to last a lifetime.

I know what you’re potentially going to say: “but…but, it’s cheating.” Yup. It certainly is. So is stealing signs, videotaping the other teams practice, heisting playbooks, rubbing vaseline on the ball, so on and so forth. As long as they keep score, somebody is going to be trying to cheat. I get it. It doesn’t make it right, and I don’t condone it. I also don’t want to read about it over and over and over and over and over again.

Sports reporters, if you want to make a name for yourself, do something creative. Develop a voice, a personality. Engage your readers, viewers, and listeners. Invite them in to the discussion. But for the love of all that is holy, stop preaching to me about performance enhancing drugs in sports. I simply don’t care.

Play ball.

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